Made a bit of an unpleasant realization today during this past Tuesday’s Morning Bible Study. We talked of so many things in regards of the question of Why. Some of the things we touched base on the reasons for troubles and perhaps why God may seem inactive, but perhaps may not be so much inactive…but rather slowly preparing us for something greater so that later maybe we might see the significance of certain issues we faced. On occasion, to reveal to us sins we still struggle with so that we might seek Him out to guide us in all. For God was, is, and does want to be an active part of our daily lives.
That realization: I still hate myself. I still do not see me as a good person. So when I look at my precious children, I see my own short comings as a person and as a mother. While my children may not go without food, clothing, or shelter…. I have a special boy, a unique boy…whom sometimes I may not see as a curse, but I see his struggles and all I can do is go Why? Why God why? He hasn’t done anything rewarding or deserving of issues to do and speak like peers his age would.
Not realizing that maybe just maybe God has given me the gift of His love in a beautiful little boy who is so loving, sweet, empathetic, creative, intelligent, and just…in every way…an innocent. Takes one in a million to have and raise these babies…and sometimes I wonder if God chose the right person. Even now I still ask Why? Why me?
So maybe…just maybe during the course of this exploration of why…I hope I find my answers…if not, perhaps come to see so much more of how I can live and grow closer to God through it.
My challenge to you today…look at some of the biggest, darkest, most intimate struggles of your life that as of late present this same question of Why? Then start to do the most difficult thing to do in these times, instead of accusing God…let’s look to God. If Why needs to be asked then perhaps we should ask? God, Why is this happening? What am I to learn from this? How can I grow from this? What is your will in this?